Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Travis Rice Shocks the Snowboard World

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Press Release: April 1st, 2009

For Immediate Release

Late Tuesday afternoon Travis Rice held a press conference in his home town of Jackson Hole, WY at the Jackson Hole Ski Resort in front of a small group of his closest friends and family, his sponsors and a few invited member of the action sports press and made an announcement that sent shock waves through the snowboarding community.

"Today is a sad day for me," He said, "But also one of the greatest, most exciting days of my life. I'm officially announcing my retirement from snowboarding, and am going to pursue a career in professional skiing."

Gasps and silence swept over the small crowd in attendance for a moment, followed by utter disbelief and near pandemonium. The press started firing questions at Travis left and right, but he calmly told everyone he'd be happy to answer any and all questions after he said what he had to say.

He went on to state, "I believe I've gone as far as I can possibly go with snowboarding. I've pushed and progressed the sport to heights never dreamed of. I've won countless contests, filmed epic video parts, and traveled the world to ride the best terrain possible. I just don't know what else I can do for snowboarding. I mean, you can only double cork rodeo 12 so many 100+ foot gaps before you start to get tired of it. I need a new challenge, a new set of goals to conquer, a new way to express myself. And quite honestly, I am getting a little bored of snowboarding. I've already got my own Fathead... plastered on millions of kids walls. What else is there??"

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Travis Rice Fathead

"With the massive success of my film That's It, That's All, and the sweeping of the Transworld Awards, I realized I'd reached the peak of my snowboarding career." Travis told everyone frankly. "There really isn't much more I can accomplish, much more I want to accomplish. I don't want to be one of those guys who reaches the apex of his career and tries to push for more fame and ends up becoming a total joke, ya know, like Axel Rose or something. I'm going out on top and want to be remembered as the best, most radical snowboarder that ever lived."

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Travis after sweeping the Transworld Snowboarding Awards

When asked how long ago he made this decision, Travis answered with, "I think it's been a long time coming. After we finished That's It, That's All, I took some time off and really did some soul searching. People kept asking what was next for me, and how are you going to top TiTa, and I really didn't have an answer for them. How was I going to top the greatest snowboard film ever made? I think that's when it hit me... One day when I was tending to my garden I had this epiphany, a revelation if you will. And that's when I made the decision. I told my parents, a couple friends, and my sponsors, and that's it... I didn't want this to leak out before it was a 100% go."

"There wasn't a single person who saw this coming." Said Rice's long time Jackson Hole friend and snowboarding legend Bryan Iguchi sadly. "I can't imagine why he would want to quite snowboarding at the very peak of his career. He has so much more to give the sport and..... Sorry, I'm just in complete disarray right now."

Iguchi went on to say, "I guess now that I think about it, the signs were there. I called him all the time to go riding and he always had some weird excuse why he couldn't go. He told me once he was baking cup cakes with his mom... This is some crazy shit man."

The big question from everyone was is he already skiing professionally, or would he have to work his way up through the ranks? To which Travis replied, "Oh I'm already skiing professionally for sure. I'm still riding for Lib Tech, on their skies now of course, Quiksilver outerwear, Redbull, and DC is actually going to start making ski boots, the first to be my pro model, the T. Rice Hard On. I've already started filming as well, Tanner Hall and I have been skiing together a ton and are working on a new project that's going to rival the production and magnitude of That's It, That's All. Actually, it's going to be BIGGER than That's It, That's All, and you can quote that."

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Travis and Tanner filming for their new project

One of Lib Tech's co-founders, Pete Sari, who attended the press conference was able to shed a little light on the situation. "Travis came to me a little while after he finished filming for That's It, That's All and told me he was thinking of retiring from snowboarding and wanted to pursue professional skiing. We had a long heart to heart and I of course tried to convince him to stick with snowboarding, but he really wanted to shake things up and was pretty set in his ways. He told me he wanted to stick with Lib and since he's one of the gnarliest dudes I've ever known, I couldn't really say no to him. I know he's going to kill it on two pieces of wood, just like he did on one. I wish him the bet of luck. And shit, we're probably going to sell a lot more skis now."

Travis ended the press conference by letting everyone know, "Just because I'm skiing now, doesn't mean I'm a different person or I've drastically changed in some way. I'm just riding skis now instead of a snowboard. I'm still going to push the envelope and progress skiing the same way I did with snowboarding. Now that I'm skiing I'll be able to go even bigger, I'm going to blow minds. I've been dialing in all my tricks and have even landed a few triple heli spins, which no one else on skies has ever landed."

He of course is talking about the mythical skiing trick of spinning upside down with your legs in the air, rotating like the blades of a helicopter.

"I'm breaching the boundaries and breaking down the barriers between skiers and snowboarders. We can both exist on the mountain, and I'm living proof of that. It's time someone with some credibility stepped up to the plate and actually made skiing legit. Skiing was my first ever on snow activity when I was a wee lad, and I guess you could say I've come full circle. I'm back to where I first began and couldn't be happier about my decision." Travis concluded with a grin stretching from ear to ear.

Although virtually everyone within the snowboarding community is still in complete shock about the unexpected news, we can only sit back and watch as Travis Rice prepares to embark on his latest endeavor. God speed.

5 comments:

VancityAllie said...

Hehehehe nice! Happy April Fools Zac :)

Huckleberry Hart said...

When do his pro model spandex come out?

Anonymous said...

really lame attempt at trying to be funny.

jti said...

i read this 3 days after april fools day and bought it. hahah

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